Thank You, Clive Christian
by MauMauKa
Summary: Four guys. A closed van. Bean burritos and a priceless solution!


_**For Invisible Ranger-Thanks for introduding me to the series and giving me wonderful opporuntities to laugh myself silly! :-) This one's for you**_

**A/N: OOC CrackFic. Purists take heed! BTW, Clive Christian I is a real cologne. I saw a bottle online that retails for 865 dollars at Bergdorf Goodman.**

**"Thank You, Clive Christian".**

Face, is that really necessary?" Hannibal asked impatiently as Murdock and B.A. broke into storms of coughing. Face ignored him and continued with his spraying. The stench of Lysol was overpowering in the confined space and B.A. began cranking down the windows. "What is WRONG with you, Faceman?! My van don't stink!"

"_Now _it doesn't."

B.A. growled and raised his fist. Face glared back. "I took my last date to a VERY nice, VERY exclusive club for dinner and she asked me if I was trying to quit smoking! Between Hannibal's cigar and Murdock's feet and B.A.'s bean burritos, I smell like the floor of a taxicab!"

"When did you last sniff the floor of a taxicab, Face?" Hannibal lit up his cigar, not offended in the least. He was used to his team's quirks and squabbling and the van HAD been a bit aromatic of late.

"There ain't nothin' wrong with my feet! I clean between my webbings every day!" Murdock ripped off one shoe and sock and stuck his foot in Face's lap, spreading his toes wide apart.

"But how often do you change your socks?" Face snapped, trying not to gag as she shoved at Murdock's leg. "When was Sockie's last bath?"

"Sockie has a bath once a year whether he needs it or not. And besides, he isn't here today. These guys are Crusty and Gray."

"No kidding. Put em' up before I get sick."

Murdock glanced indignantly at Hannibal who nodded. "Put your shoe on, Captain. And use some of that fungus cream I got you."

Murdock complied, grumbling while Face brushed fastidiously at the legs of his tailored slacks. "I'm not _diseased_, Face."

"_That _has never been satisfactorily been determined!" the conman snarked. Turning to look out the window, he missed the hurt look on the pilot's face.

Hannibal did not. "Zip it, Lieutanant. That's an order."

"Insult my van again and I break your head, fool!" B.A. chimed in. While he could see (and smell) that Face a point, he wasn't about to admit it. How the conman had ever survived Hanoi was a mystery to him; maybe he wore the Cong down by whining.

Face huffed and didn't reply. Hannibal reached back and gave Murdock an affectionate push. The pilot had folded himself into a moody ball, his chin resting on his knees.

The operation was swift and relatively painless. Murdock disappeared after it was over, saying there was an errand he had to run. Hannibal went with him. When they met up again at the van, Murdock was wearing spotless white socks and carrying a small bag, which he handed to Face with a bow. "Here ya go, Faceman. This should fix your little odor problem."

"It's not _my_ odor problem" Face sighed impatiently but he took the bag and opened it. He expected to see Mr. Bubble or maybe a soap on a rope. Instead his blue eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "_Jesus_, Murdock!"'

Murdock grinned and nodded. "The salesgirl said to use only a little bit behind your ears. It's very powerful stuff."

"This is _Clive Christian_, Murdock!"

"Yup."

"This is over 800 dollars an ounce!"

"Uh-huh."

"I can't let you spend that kind of money" Face said in a softer voice. He even had the grace to blush. "What if you need it?"

Murdock shrugged. "For what? Rent? Meals? Condoms?"

"Murdock!" Face turned even pinker, but Murdock only laughed. "I don't need it, Faceman. You just put a bit on your hankie and stop bad-mouthing the van. I don't want B.A. to flatten you."

Face nodded slowly and pulled out his linen handkerchief. He opened the bottle and the air was fillled with an rich, velvet-textured smell. Amused as he was, Hannibal couldn't help taking a long breath in. Murdock sniffed noisily and closed his eyes in ecstasy. "Maahhhvelous, dahling. You smell maaahhvelous!"

They both expected Face to dab on the cologne at once, but instead he followed Murdock's suggestion and put a few drops on his handkerchief. Then he climbed into the van on the passenger side and tied the hankie to the rear-view mirror. "There. Now we call all enjoy it."

Hannibal laughed and clapped the conman on the shoulder. "I'm still more partial to a good Cuban, but this isn't bad. Not bad at all."

B.A. came bounding up with a wide grin, carrying more bags. "All right, I got dinner! Who wants burritos?"

Face groaned, but accepted. Murdock bounced happily as B.A. handed him a curly straw for his soda. Hannibal opened the door for B.A. and they all piled in.

"FACE! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY VAN, MAN!"


End file.
